I've been in that strange time-space thing again. The place where things feel still and calm, where the millions of things you have to do are forgotten and the approaching deadlines can't be seen. It sounds nice, but it's actually a scary place. How easily I fall into it and how often find myself there is beginning to worry me. It's like I'm in slow motion but the world around me doesn't stop. I'll look up and another week will be over.
I wonder if one day I'll read back these 'Life Lately' posts with a therapist and see red flags and warning signs. Or, alternatively, I look back enviously and see a life that actually was calm and full of free time. You know when you look around at your status quo and realize it's not going to last? You feel bad for the future you, but you don't know how to hold on to the moment harder than you already are?
I'm simultaneously living in the moment, a bit too much, but also worried about the future and thinking I should be doing something different. It's YOLO mixed with FOMO and it's as dumb as it sounds. I need to be better at goal setting and focus and eliminating task switching. All those things bloggers write in script fonts in their bullet journals and downloadable desktop backgrounds. It's online 'boss lady' culture and persistent guilt about 'putting in the work.'
But I feel like I missed the intro. 'What' exactly, though? I need specifics and I don't want to sign up for your mailing list or take your video course to find out...because you probably can't tell me. All I know is that I need to learn the difference between planning and living in a hypothetical world. I can't ignore the big picture, but I can't let it scare me. What's step one?