I've been feeling unfocused lately. Time passes in blinks and then drawn out as if in slow motion. It's not predictable, follows no pattern that I can see, but I'm also in the center of it so my perspective may not be reliable. Structure is hard to find when the consequences for breaking it are low. That's where I'm at, at nearly three years into this adventure. Is it a matter of basic mental health, self-discipline, or something I have yet to uncover about myself?
I am seeing a pattern here, however. Annoyingly vague, pseudo-artsy words strung together, like a sad song lyric on an AIM away message, just begging to be asked: "Hey are you okay?" "I'm fine. (but ask me again)" The sort of writing that feels so deeply personal yet so heavily guarded at the same time. I tell myself it's therapeutic or maybe a simple writing exercise. Though in a month I'll read it and cringe and remind myself that I'm almost thirty-two and this teen angst is way past its sell-by date.
Hey guys, it's time for my monthly favorites! After discovering the political affiliation of a favorite artist I'm diving heart first into a show with a fandom so fiercely impassioned that I once avoided it like having to make a cold call. Yet now I'm so fully converted that it only makes me that much more furious at the unfulfilled coaxing of the writers that I can't even talk about it because my feelings are so conflicted. So while moving from the "don't meet your heroes" slogan to the "your fav is problematic" one could be seen as a lateral move, I'm feeling, at least anonymously, better about it.
In addition to my slogans, my demotivational quotes, I also have one piece of advice I give myself when I don't know what else to do: "Be kind to others, including yourself." With that, I leave you, probably confused and hopefully entertained.